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Online Dating 101: The Dos and Don’ts

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Let’s face it—dating in 2025 isn’t for the faint-hearted. Between work deadlines, flaky conversations, and people vanishing mid-chat, more and more people are turning to dating apps to meet someone decent. But while the apps make introductions easier, they haven’t made the process any less confusing.

If you’re new to online dating—or you’ve tried it a few times and still feel like you’re figuring it out—these straightforward dos and don’ts will help you avoid the usual headaches and stay true to yourself in the process.

Do: Say Who You Are Without Overselling

You don’t need a long story or fancy lines. Your profile should sound like you—not a version of you trying to win an award. Mention the things you genuinely enjoy, whether that’s street food, thrift shopping, Formula One, or rewatching Kings of Jo’Burg.

Skip the overused stuff like “I love to laugh.” That’s not telling anyone anything. Think of it like introducing yourself at a party—keep it easy and honest.

Don’t: Upload Photos That Don’t Look Like You

You don’t need a professional photographer, but your pictures should reflect what you actually look like—now, not five years ago. Skip the heavy filters and mystery group photos. Choose a few clear shots where you’re front and center, ideally doing something you enjoy.

Ask yourself: if someone saw you on a regular day, would they recognize you from your profile?

Do: Say Hello First (If You Want To)

You don’t have to wait around. If someone catches your eye, send a message. It doesn’t have to be clever—just make it specific. Comment on something in their profile or ask a question that shows you read it.

A simple “hi” rarely goes anywhere. But something like “Slap chips with vinegar—yay or nay?” might actually spark a reply

Don’t: Stay in a Chat That Feels Off

If someone’s energy feels wrong—too pushy, too familiar, or just strange—it’s okay to leave. You don’t owe anyone your time just because you matched.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re drawing a line. In dating, that’s not only okay—it’s necessary.

Do: Be Upfront About What You Want

If you’re looking for something serious, say so. If you’d rather take things slow or aren’t sure yet, that’s fine too—just be clear. You don’t need to explain yourself to everyone, but it helps filter out people who aren’t on the same page.

Trying to fit into someone else’s idea of connection rarely ends well. You know what works for you—stick with that.

Don’t: Forget Basic Safety

No matter how great the chat is, always meet in a public place. Share your plans with someone you trust. Don’t give out your address, workplace, or private details early on—even if the conversation feels easy.

And if something doesn’t sit right before the meetup, listen to that feeling. It’s there for a reason.

Do: Keep Your Expectations in Check

Some conversations won’t go anywhere. Some matches are duds. And yes, a few people are just in it for attention. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—it just means they’re not your match.

You’re not applying for a job. You’re looking for connection. Take the pressure off, and let things unfold naturally.

Final Thought: Make the Experience Yours

Dating apps can be clumsy, unpredictable, and sometimes hilarious. But they can also lead to something solid. The best approach? Be yourself. Know your limits. Don’t chase perfection. And if the date doesn’t work out, at least you’ve got another story for brunch.

In the end, it’s not about having the smoothest messages or the most polished profile. It’s about staying real—and maybe meeting someone who makes the whole thing feel a little less complicated.

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Sex & Relashionships

What Counts as Micro Cheating? 6 Signs to Watch Out For

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A Man consoling His Partner : Istock

Micro cheating is used to describe subtle behaviours that can’t be termed physical infidelity. However, these actions in these categories still cross relational boundaries. They often go unnoticed because they are small. Over time, these actions cause distrust and may strain relationships over time.

Being Protective Of Your Phone 

couple hiding mobile phone : Dream Time

While everyone needs some privacy, hiding conversations from your partner is not ideal. When a partner changes social media access passwords and deletes messages, this can create mistrust. Don’t give your partner an impression about you by being secretive.

Engaging in Romantic Conversations With Another Person 

Emotional intimacy is important to any relationship. When someone shares personal feelings and thoughts with someone else, it is a problem. Many people confide in friends and colleagues about their relationship problems. It feels normal, but it can cross boundaries.

Hiding the Existence of Someone

A Young Lady Talking to a man : Freepik

When you start downplaying or hiding a particular person in your life, this can become an issue. A good example of this is when you are asked if you still contact your ex, but you choose to dismiss the question. This lack of openness is concerning and could lead to a bigger issue.

Read Also : How to Turn a Love Interest Down Gracefully

Seeking Validation Outside the Relationship 

Another sign of micro cheating is when you seek compliments from someone else other than your partner. This includes subtle flirting or enjoying attention from a close friend. Some people often seek praise or affirmation from people online that would usually come from their partner.

Constant Comparison With Another Person

When you start comparing your partner with another person, it can damage trust. Judging your partner’s looks, habits, or actions by another person is harmful. Appreciate people for who they are and stop comparing them with your ex or other people.

Dismissing Concerns When Raised 

A Man ignoring his pregnant wife :Istock

When a partner raises a concern about boundaries and they aren’t taken seriously, this can signal deeper issues. It means you are not valuing their opinion. Being defensive or dismissive suggests you don’t appreciate their feelings.

Micro cheating isn’t unfaithfulness, it points to unclear boundaries that should not be crossed. Understanding these signs and avoiding them can help partners maintain clearer boundaries.

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Sex & Relashionships

Is Ghostlighting the Most Toxic Dating Trend Yet

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There is a silence in relationships that is more damaging than conflict. If you have ever tried sending a message to someone and hesitating to continue because you have not heard from the other person in days, you already know what ghost lighting feels like. It is not just about disappearing. It is returning in subtle, inconsistent gestures that creates doubt. I have had my share of this and it is a deeply draining pattern. Many people pretend it is normal, but it is quietly becoming one of the most toxic trends in dating today.

It Creates Emotional Confusion

Arguing couples : News 24

Ghost lighting leaves uncertain about what to believe. One moment the person is warm and present, the next moment they are silent without explanation. I once spoke to someone who would disappear for days and then send a short message as though nothing had occurred. It left me confused because the actions contradicted their expressions. That confusion can make you question yourself when the actual problem is their inconsistency.

It Damages Self Worth

This trend often makes you feel like you are doing something wrong when you are not. Many people start to think they are not engaging or inadequate. I remember feeling that way. I found myself reading old messages trying to find what I said wrong. The issue is a lack of emotional maturity from the other person. But the recurring silence and sudden appearance can make anyone doubt themselves.

It Encourages Avoidance Instead of Honest Communication

Couples with issues : Unsplash

Healthy dating needs clarity. It needs people who can express themselves openly even when it feels uncomfortable. Ghost lighting removes that and is one of the reasons people break up in a relationship. It rewards people who avoid conversations rather than face them. I once asked someone directly if everything was fine because their behavior has shifted. Instead of explaining, they pulled away and then came back later acting friendly again. That behaviour teaches no one anything and leaves no room for real connection.

Read Also: Thinking of Moving in Together? Key Things to Know

It Wastes Time and Emotional Energy

There is nothing more draining than building with someone who cannot decide what they want. You invest in conversations, time, plans and emotions only for them to disappear. Then just when you are ready to move on, they return and start the cycle again. I have experienced that loop and it drained energy from other areas of my life. You feel stuck waiting for a message that may not come. It is emotionally expensive and offers no benefit

It Normalises Unhealthy Relationship Habits

Unhappy Black Couples : Stock Images

The reason ghost lighting is one of the most toxic dating trends is because it trains people to accept minimal engagement. It makes emotional instability look normal. When someone disappears and returns repeatedly, it conditions you to expect inconsistent behavior in future relationships. This is not how a functional relationship works. A stable bond needs presence, honesty and accountability, not sudden silence and random reappearing acts.

Ghost lighting may look like a small issue in the modern dating world, but it carries significantly emotional impact. No one deserves to be left in uncertainty. It is important to protect your peace in such situations.

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Sex & Relashionships

How to Spot a Mama’s Boy Early

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Spotting a mama’s boy early can save you months of confusion. In the beginning, it often looks harmless. He’s sweet, attentive and family oriented. But there’s a difference between a man who loves his mother and a man who blindly follows her instructions. The signs are always there, even before the relationship becomes serious. Here are some hints on how to spot a mama’s boy early. .

How He Handles Boundaries

Instagram : A black couple taking a picture

A man who follows his mother’s directive without asking questions can’t have healthy lines. When she calls at odd hours, he immediately drops everything to answer her even when he needs to spend time with his partner. Anytime she comments on your relationship, he always agrees with her suggestions. A friend once dated someone whose mother would visit without warning. Instead of asking her to call ahead, he waves it off as something normal. When a man avoids creating space, these are one of the subtle habits that destroy a relationship.

His Mother Has a Say in Your Relationship

If every disagreement somehow reaches his mother, take that seriously. In a past relationship, any small misunderstanding between us would make its way to her desk by evening. She would then subtly influence his decisions, and I could always tell when her advice shaped his reaction. A healthy relationship needs privacy. If his mother becomes the third voice in your conversations, you’re no longer dealing with a partnership but a triangle.

He Expects You to Fit Into His Childhood Routine

Instagram : A black couple together

Some men want their partners to mirror the comfort they get from their mothers.This shows up in small but consistent ways. He wants his meals to be prepared by his mom. Sometimes, he prefers household routines to match hers. I remember suggesting a different way to prepare something simple, and he immediately shut it down because “that’s not how my mom does it.” That statement shows he is still emotionally tied to his mother.

Read Also : Things Women Secretly Want in a Relationship 

He Considers Her Approval Over Your Partnership

Any man that consistently asks his mother’s opinion before taking any decision that affects both of you is guilty. It starts with harmless choices, but it eventually affects the relationship.I once saw how quickly a friend’s attitude changed after talking to his mother whenever we disagreed. It became obvious that her approval weighed more than our conversations. When that happens, you never sit in the driver’s seat of the relationship.

He Can’t Make Independent Choices

Instagram : Black lovers chilling together

A Mama’s boy can’t seem to make up his mind on anything. He is always looking for cues or needs reassurance before doing the ordinary. Such a man always depends on his mother for emotional validation, which makes it difficult for his partner to reason with him. There was a situation where a man couldn’t pick something as simple as a restaurant without checking with his mom.

Spotting these signs early doesn’t mean writing someone off immediately. It just means seeing the dynamic for what it is. A man can love his mother deeply and still function independently. But if he hasn’t learned that balance, the relationship often becomes an emotional tug of war you didn’t sign up for.

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