Sex & Relashionships
Is Ghostlighting the Most Toxic Dating Trend Yet
There is a silence in relationships that is more damaging than conflict. If you have ever tried sending a message to someone and hesitating to continue because you have not heard from the other person in days, you already know what ghost lighting feels like. It is not just about disappearing. It is returning in subtle, inconsistent gestures that creates doubt. I have had my share of this and it is a deeply draining pattern. Many people pretend it is normal, but it is quietly becoming one of the most toxic trends in dating today.
It Creates Emotional Confusion

Arguing couples : News 24
Ghost lighting leaves uncertain about what to believe. One moment the person is warm and present, the next moment they are silent without explanation. I once spoke to someone who would disappear for days and then send a short message as though nothing had occurred. It left me confused because the actions contradicted their expressions. That confusion can make you question yourself when the actual problem is their inconsistency.
It Damages Self Worth
This trend often makes you feel like you are doing something wrong when you are not. Many people start to think they are not engaging or inadequate. I remember feeling that way. I found myself reading old messages trying to find what I said wrong. The issue is a lack of emotional maturity from the other person. But the recurring silence and sudden appearance can make anyone doubt themselves.
It Encourages Avoidance Instead of Honest Communication

Couples with issues : Unsplash
Healthy dating needs clarity. It needs people who can express themselves openly even when it feels uncomfortable. Ghost lighting removes that and is one of the reasons people break up in a relationship. It rewards people who avoid conversations rather than face them. I once asked someone directly if everything was fine because their behavior has shifted. Instead of explaining, they pulled away and then came back later acting friendly again. That behaviour teaches no one anything and leaves no room for real connection.
Read Also: Thinking of Moving in Together? Key Things to Know
It Wastes Time and Emotional Energy
There is nothing more draining than building with someone who cannot decide what they want. You invest in conversations, time, plans and emotions only for them to disappear. Then just when you are ready to move on, they return and start the cycle again. I have experienced that loop and it drained energy from other areas of my life. You feel stuck waiting for a message that may not come. It is emotionally expensive and offers no benefit
It Normalises Unhealthy Relationship Habits

Unhappy Black Couples : Stock Images
The reason ghost lighting is one of the most toxic dating trends is because it trains people to accept minimal engagement. It makes emotional instability look normal. When someone disappears and returns repeatedly, it conditions you to expect inconsistent behavior in future relationships. This is not how a functional relationship works. A stable bond needs presence, honesty and accountability, not sudden silence and random reappearing acts.
Ghost lighting may look like a small issue in the modern dating world, but it carries significantly emotional impact. No one deserves to be left in uncertainty. It is important to protect your peace in such situations.
Sex & Relashionships
How to Spot a Mamaās Boy Early
Spotting a mamaās boy early can save you months of confusion. In the beginning, it often looks harmless. Heās sweet, attentive and family oriented. But thereās a difference between a man who loves his mother and a man who blindly follows her instructions. The signs are always there, even before the relationship becomes serious. Here are some hints on how to spot a mamaās boy early. .
How He Handles Boundaries

Instagram : A black couple taking a picture
A man who follows his mother’s directive without asking questions can’t have healthy lines. When she calls at odd hours, he immediately drops everything to answer her even when he needs to spend time with his partner. Anytime she comments on your relationship, he always agrees with her suggestions. A friend once dated someone whose mother would visit without warning. Instead of asking her to call ahead, he waves it off as something normal. When a man avoids creating space, these are one of the subtle habits that destroy a relationship.
His Mother Has a Say in Your Relationship
If every disagreement somehow reaches his mother, take that seriously. In a past relationship, any small misunderstanding between us would make its way to her desk by evening. She would then subtly influence his decisions, and I could always tell when her advice shaped his reaction. A healthy relationship needs privacy. If his mother becomes the third voice in your conversations, youāre no longer dealing with a partnership but a triangle.
He Expects You to Fit Into His Childhood Routine

Instagram : A black couple together
Some men want their partners to mirror the comfort they get from their mothers.This shows up in small but consistent ways. He wants his meals to be prepared by his mom. Sometimes, he prefers household routines to match hers. I remember suggesting a different way to prepare something simple, and he immediately shut it down because āthatās not how my mom does it.ā That statement shows he is still emotionally tied to his mother.
Read Also : Things Women Secretly Want in a RelationshipĀ
He Considers Her Approval Over Your Partnership
Any man that consistently asks his mother’s opinion before taking any decision that affects both of you is guilty. It starts with harmless choices, but it eventually affects the relationship.I once saw how quickly a friend’s attitude changed after talking to his mother whenever we disagreed. It became obvious that her approval weighed more than our conversations. When that happens, you never sit in the driverās seat of the relationship.
He Canāt Make Independent Choices

Instagram : Black lovers chilling together
A Mamaās boy can’t seem to make up his mind on anything. He is always looking for cues or needs reassurance before doing the ordinary. Such a man always depends on his mother for emotional validation, which makes it difficult for his partner to reason with him. There was a situation where a man couldnāt pick something as simple as a restaurant without checking with his mom.
Spotting these signs early doesnāt mean writing someone off immediately. It just means seeing the dynamic for what it is. A man can love his mother deeply and still function independently. But if he hasnāt learned that balance, the relationship often becomes an emotional tug of war you didnāt sign up for.
Sex & Relashionships
How to Turn a Love Interest Down Gracefully
There is some pressure that comes with rejecting love advances. While you don’t want to hurt their feelings you also don’t want to be with them. The first time I tried it, my hands were trembling and I was uneasy. Here are some ways to turn down a love request.
Understand Your Feelings

Before you turn down someone’s love interest, check your own feelings. Remove all conflicted emotions from your side. When your heart is clear, you can then calmly express yourself without hesitation.
Use an Appropriate Setting
While your intentions might be sincere, you just communicate in an ideal setting. You should not reject an interest when the person is in a bad mood, in an office or in a loud atmosphere. Choosing a quiet place to turn down an interest creates less tension. Avoid social media or public scenes if possible as this could create a bad impression. Respect the person’s dignity and don’t ridicule them.
Be HonestĀ

When the time to communicate your response comes, be honest. You just not state all the reasons why you cannot accept them, but be clear about yourself. This is to prevent anyone from being friendzoned or taking advantage of. Use kind words and don’t be harsh in your rejection.
Read Also : Respectful Ways to Talk About Your Partnerās Habits
The Message Must Be ClearĀ
To avoid confusing the person, please be clear. Don’t give them a false hope that you know won’t happen. Let them understand that as for today, you appreciate their interests but have other commitments. Erase all signs of vagueness and issue a clear statement.
Respect Their FeelingsĀ

Your rejection may not be accepted in good faith which is normal. Some people might cry, feel sad or be dumbfounded. Give them time to pour out their emotions. Let them know you appreciate their courage but need to be sincere with them.
Maintain Healthy Relationship AfterwardsĀ
Rejection should not make you enemies with the person. After the conversation, create a good boundary between the two of you, but don’t ignore them. You can still be friends with them but it should not be too close.
Turning down a love interest isn’t easy, but when done sincerely using kind words, it will be appreciated. It takes huge courage for someone to express their feelings, reject them with love.
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Respectful Ways to Talk About Your Partnerās Habits
We all have quirks that can get under someoneās skin. Maybe itās leaving socks by the couch, checking the phone mid-conversation, or forgetting to take out the trash. Addressing these habits doesnāt have to spark arguments. Handled with care, it can actually strengthen your relationship.
Wait for a calm moment

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Timing makes all the difference. Bringing up a habit during a heated moment, such as after a stressful day at work or mid-argument, almost always leads to defensiveness. Instead, look for a relaxed setting where you both feel at ease. This could be over a quiet Sunday morning coffee, while cooking together, or even during a drive. Choosing a calm moment signals that youāre approaching the conversation thoughtfully rather than impulsively. It also gives your partner a chance to be present and receptive instead of feeling ambushed.
Talk about how it affects you

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When discussing habits, avoid blaming or criticising. Instead, focus on your feelings and the impact on your daily life. For example, you could say, āI feel stressed when the dishes pile up,ā rather than, āYou never do the dishes.ā This approach communicates your experience without making your partner defensive. It also encourages empathy, as theyāre more likely to listen and understand how their habits affect you rather than feeling attacked.
Recognise the effort they do put in

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Nobody is perfect, and everyone has responsibilities outside the relationship. Starting with acknowledgement of your partnerās efforts sets a positive tone. A simple, āI know youāve been juggling a lot this week,ā or āI really appreciate how youāve been handling work and the kids lately,ā can make your feedback feel supportive rather than critical. This reinforces that youāre on the same team and makes the conversation about working together instead of pointing fingers.
Suggest practical solutions together

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Highlighting a habit is only part of the solution; you also need to explore ways to make life easier for both of you. This could be setting reminders, establishing small routines, or dividing household tasks differently. For instance, you might agree that one person handles the morning dishes while the other tidies up in the evening, or that the braai utensils get returned immediately after cooking. Framing it as a shared problem rather than a personal failing makes the conversation feel collaborative instead of confrontational.
Keep it light

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Adding humour can make a serious conversation feel less tense. Playful teasing, such as joking about the ever-growing pile of socks or laundry, can help both of you laugh rather than argue. Just be careful to keep the humour gentle; it should lighten the mood, not make your partner feel criticised. A little laughter can go a long way in turning a tricky conversation into a bonding moment.
Talking about habits doesnāt have to be uncomfortable. With careful timing, empathy, practical solutions, and a touch of humour, what could be a stressful conversation can actually strengthen your connection. Itās not about being perfect; itās about understanding each other better and growing together.
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